What I Should Have Said: Friday Night Encounter

Friday night I went to an afterparty after an opening at our gallery. I sat in a strategic location near the food when this way too much older dude immediately asks my name. Then he says he's getting up for a drink. So I figured he was leaving. I also figured he was gay like most of the men there. Unfortunately he came back and sat down way too close to me. I also watched him dunk a dumpling in sauce and stick his fingers in the dip along with it. Gross! So I debated whether I should escape or stay by the food since I was starving. Then he asks if I always wear pinstripes. I had on dark brown pants with barely visible pinstripes on them. Yuck. I knew where he was going next. I just said, "Not really." Then he says, "They really accentuate your length. And you are already long as it is. It looks good." Ewwwww! Why must the gross dudes always be agressive? At this point I left and found some girls from work by the bar. He came up to our group and asked, "Brooke. What are you getting to drink?" I started to feel seriously disturbed at this point. He wasn't taking the hint. Eventually he told me he had to leave. Thank you!

So. What I wish I'd said . . .

"Why did you just dip your fingers in the sauce? That's really gross."
"Go away. Leave me alone. I'm not interested."
"I'll go out with you if you buy me an expensive dinner and take me to see Wicked" (just kidding).
"Yes. These pinstripes will look especially good when I'm jamming my knee into your crotch if you don't leave me alone"